Monday, February 28, 2005

he wasnt man enough for her . . . .

well today i talked to Amanda Dakotas ExGirlfriend . . she told me ALOT of things, mostly things that would scare ANY girl into breaking up with him . . . but im not gonna i have faith in me and him . . . at least i hope i do . . now i am sitting here praying to whatever will listen that, that doesnt happen to me and him . . . i'm so freaking scared it will . . . . i like this boy SO much . . noone can even begin to comprehend . . i mean SURE he upsets me sometimes but NO relaytionship would be rite without some downfalls . . you have to give to recieve and take them and accept them how they are and they have to do the same for you and if you cant do that much then you might as well never get into a relaytionship SERIOUSLY . . you cant ever expect to have a "easy" ride cause if you do you arent human . . . heart break and rough times are what lifes all about you gotta roll with the changes and when life gets you down kick em in the balls :-) well i'm about to go to bed and talk to my sweetness fer a little bit . . .
Much <3>

Sunday, February 27, 2005

i'm so HAPPY baby

Yay for good weekends . . . well friday nite i got into trouble BUT sat i stayed with my huny! and he payed attention to me! alot more than he usually does anyway . . i feel bad cause i didnt go to 1123 with my friends but i needed to spend time with him, well now is the DREADED time of everyones life i have to venture out into the world tomorrow and look fer a new job :-( sadness! ugh i'm not really scared of a new job . . more so of losing Dakota i love that kid to death . . he says we should get a job together like at the same place but i dont know if that would be good or bad . . . hmm... someone want to comment on this? i need help!
much <3
Amanda Ruth

Thursday, February 24, 2005

i try to be perfect but nothing was worth it . . .

well i said that i would write more it took me till today cause i think my head is about to explode which is horrible . . i dont know where i left off other than he is sooo fricking wonderfull which is most likely a understatment . . . we talked about ALOT last nite, what we want in life . . . where we are gonna go . . I know it might be irrational but i get REALLY upset whenever he says he's moving to Japan because i really like this kid . . . but lets think about it YEAH i want to be with him for a LONG time and i can see us being together for a long time . . BUT for ever is VERY irrational to think about and i mean i dont know . . . he is awesome but how could anyone want to just UP and move away from everything they know and understand and YEAH Japan is BEAUTIFUL an very amazing but i dont know Japanese and i wouldnt want to move there cause i dont want to go somewhere and mess up on something or do something wrong and disgrace myself or make people there hate me too . . i dont need anyone else . . . i dont know maybe thats irrational to think that way maybe they would be understanding . . maybe not tho . . . an they are WAY behind in fashion and not to sound like OMG OMG . . . but i would have to come here and buy clothes and such because i just couldnt wear stuff like they do . . . i dont know . . . i REALLY REALLY like Dakota tho . . . that boy is just something so awesome . . . i dont know . . . ON another sub i talked to megan and dereck last nite and Dereck appoligized to me for being REALLY mean to me about Dakota and such and Megan talked to me and was all like i hope you are happy with him as long as your happy im not mad . . which makes me SO happy . . yea megan MIGHT not be a GREAT or AWESOME friend shes still one of mine . . maybe i'm too nice or something but yea . . i dont know . . i'm gonna go try and get my MySpace to work now . . LATER KIDS!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

my weakness is . . i care too much . . .

I GOT TO SEE MY DAKOTA TODAY! :-) i'm soo ungodly happy! i love that kid to death hes just so . . i dont know . . . GREAT . . . i cant ever be mad at him . . . EVER

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

i'd be your anything . . .

Today is a good day SOFAR! i am waiting for Dakota to get home from WalMart with Mike an shit and then i get to go see him ! :-) YAY! i miss that kid soooo much! I noticed something about him . . . i told him that i only do drugs whenever i know i'm not around him or something . . . it's not that i dont when i am around him to make him happy ((it's a plus)) but i dont feel like i need to cause we NEVER argue and we dont fight . . . he upsets me sometimes but i mean no relaytionship is perfect but i feel like we are damn near it lol . . with a FEW minor downfalls . . but i'm not going into those . . . i dont know everything is kinda falling into place i NEED to get into my school work and make up ALOT of work i have a reportcard coming out and SOMEHOW i have to hide it . . i dont know i'm about to eat and then go to ambers and then dakotas i might write more somewhere in there! later days!

Monday, February 21, 2005

what i really ment to say . . .

hey kids . . my weekend was WAY out of it . . i so wanted to just tell Dakota HOW MAD! i was but no i let him know it bothered me but he doesnt even begin to understand HOW MUCH. This seems to be his only downfall other than he doesnt want me to do drugs but he doesnt see that whenever i get depressed or upset is the only time i want to the only time i just need to escape . . but last nite whenever i got to brians i could have got SO fukt but i chose not to and i called him and told him i chose not to and i wanted to see what kinda reaction i got well he was REALLY happy about it . . but i dont want to stop taking drugs just because it makes him happy because i can't handle reality it's just too much sometimes you know? i love that feeling whenever your high ((the one you also get from going over a BIG hill in a car cept it lasts WAY longer )) everything just seems okay whenever your high . . . 1/2 the time whenever i go around him high he doesnt even know it! i dont know . . someone help me . . . and dakota i figure you will eventually read this . . whenever you get the time or something . . . . i'm sorry for the way i am . . .

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Amber's 16 ! ! ! ! ! !

Hey ya'll. . today is ambers sweet sixteen! yay for that LoL . . . well i havent wrote in a couple days well i have but i havent wrote about this well on megans b-day she had the nerve to yell at me for almost a HOUR about me going out with Dakota well this seems to be a pattern ANYTIME i find someone i like ((male or female)) they seem to have someone from they're past or present that TRIES to fuck things up . . i'm not gonna let her get to me though . . cause i REALLY like Dakota and as far as i know and from what mike said the other day he likes me too . . . i was kinda pssimisstic about it in the beginning cause when i think about all the other girls he's went out with they're NOTHING like me and i didnt think i EVER would have had a chance but i guess i was wrong huh? i dunno . . . well ALYSE I HOPE YOU HAD FUN LAST NITE! i lover you T H I S much.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

All The things she said . . . . .

Hey ya'll what's up? not too much here, Man i got sooo fukt last nite . . . i was more high than i EVER have been before . . .i'm scared to tell Dakota cause i don't want him mad at me and i don't wana fuck things up for me and him. . but i wana/need to talk to him about it . . . i don't know but something else that is kinda "going on" is the Amanda having a crush on a girl . . . and i don't know what to do about it . . cause i dont think she would ever like me . . . . for ALOT of reasons we went out a long ass time ago and i miss her . . i dont know why i broke it off . . . well i kinda know . . i didnt want to have the name of going out with a whore and i didnt wana just break up with tiff cause then tiff would wonder why . . . so i said it was cause of billy and i just broke it off with both . . o well i don't want to go thru a bunch of shit with Dakota but then again i do . . GAh someone HELP ME! . . . well i guess i'm gonna go cause i'm about to go to Ambers and find something for our ass's to do !
<33 always and forever
Amanda Ruth

<33>

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

feeling way to damn good

well i'm with Dakota and he is SOO fucking awesome hes unlike ANY guy that im ever around . . hes sweet and caring and doesnt mind actually listening to me . . i dont know . . . and about micah my feelings for him will ALWAYS be there but they've changed and i dont understand it's kinda weird . . it is taking some time to get use to cause forever i saw myself with him . . and now i dont know . . i feel like i will live a meaningless life . . questions are once again left unanswered for me . . i dont know its kinda like i've actually thought cause of Dakota and ive sat around and thought about relaytionships ive been in and guys i cared about and they seem so meangingless now . . like stupid? why did i do that it got me nowwhere kinda thing . . he just makes me think more . . i dont know . . i'll write more later . . love me!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

How Could An Angel Break My Heart . . .

Hey ya'll whats up? not too much . . i'm kinda down once again i feel like the only time i write in here is whenever i'm REALLY sad - mad - happy but on normal days i don't maybe thats not rite but i don't know . . okay well micah is being a douchebag . . . he is all like i wana see you sat. all fuck'n week and then come sat he's like i don't know if i want to and then i was like well and then he stopped me mid sentance and just was like BYE! and so i just hung up . . i didnt even say bye . . . i dont know what his malfunction is but he needs to get over it and if he wants to be with me HE SHOULD and other wise he should STOP playing with heart and head . . . GAH . .

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

do you have to, do you have to let it linger?

have you ever just sat around an thought for a while . . you can learn alot about yourself and what YOU honestly want . . . and other times you can drive yourself insane! but for the most part its the first part . . . well ive been thinking about what I want what AMANDA RUTH CAMPBELL wants . . . and i know finally i think.... i want to go to cosmatology school and i want to get a GOOD job . . . i want to be with the one guy i can be COMPLETLY myself around . . . ive met that guy but i think i fucked that up . . . maybe i'll get lucky an have another chance . . its just GOD im so happy around him . . . i can be as bizzare as i am and he understands me . . we have our ups and downs but i believe moreso ups . . . but i dont know . . i love him . . no matter what happens or who we end up with i'll always love and be there for him and hopefully he feels the same way . . . i've always thought there was only one person for you and i dont know im kinda starting to think your not always ment to be with the one you love the most even though that would make for an awesome fairytale ending . . . the things that make you the most happy arent always "perfect" . . . . . maybe someday we will come back to eachother or maybe we will find someone else who fits better into our lives . . . only god knows the answer to that . . . and untill i feel like i need to stop im gonna be around him and im gonna let "the other person" if there is another find me cause im PERFECTLY content with where i am now . . but what happens whenever he leaves for college just thinking about it makes tears come to my eyes . . .w hat about the day he graduates and once again we are separated . . . i dont know maybe i shouldnt let myself love someone who will just be leaving me in a matter of months . .. . but then again what if he decides to stay here and goes to USI . . . does that mean he wants to be with me? or that he cant bare the thought of leaving me either . . i wish i only knew . . .
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