Thursday, March 31, 2005

you know i'm here for the party

hey ya'll spring break is going pretty good . . this is the longest time period i've spent home other than sleeping this week lol . . . me and Dakota broke up . . i still care about him . . of course i do . . and MAYbe just maybe one day we will get back together. . maybe not . . i really like Jacob and Stevin both . . Jacob more so but thats not the point . . last nite me and Jacob kinda messed around . . . and i liked it o man i liked it . . . i don't know tho like i said on myspace . . i just kinda wana stay single and wing it whatever happens happens cause i don't think me and Jacob will ever go out again then again WHO KNOWS! . . noone does . . lol . . but i will write more later . . .

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Nothin New Under The Moon Till You

hey ya'll everything is wonderfull under the sun in amanda's world . . i hung out with amanda kay the other day . . she's awesome i love her to death . . contrary to what i thought it wasnt awkward at all to hang out with her and Dakota but it was FUN alot of fun i hope i can do it again sometime this week . . . :-) umm what else o yeah my bubbie jacob went off on dakota the other nite it was scary kinda . . but everythings okay it got everything out in the open with me and him and we are happier now . . i love that kidd he's so close to perfect for me . . . i NEVER get tired of seeing him cause we don't see eachother everyday it's like a once- three times a week thing . . it never gets old . . use to i thought seeing a guy alot was the best thing . . but "absense truely DOES make the heart grow fonder" :-P welp i have to go to the nursing home with my mom . . so i'll write more whenever i get home tonite . . i'm going out on green and to the mall with alyse and HOPEFULLY seeing my sunshine :-)
<33 always and forever
Amanda Ruth

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Surely Not The Best Colors That You Shine

So Confused .. everyone else seems to understand what all is going on around me . . i hate this so much everything seemed to be getting better and then 10:30 rolled around an everything started going into a downward spriral . . . My rents are TIRED of taking me to Dakota's house ALL the time and his dad never gives me a ride err anything and then Kelli and Amber are mad at me . . . I REALLY WANT TO SEE DAKOTA . . noone has heard from Justin in like a day now ever since he just LEFT the Hotel @ 9 am . . . ugh what else could go wrong today?

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Colors . . . --c-r-o-s-s-f-a-d-e--

Hey kids, i havent felt the greatest today . . and i havent talked to Dakota . . i'm kinda sad and down about it . . i miss him, i hope i get to talk to him later . .
<3 always and fornever
Amanda Ruth



i try to not let this pain show . . i try to not let the pain reach the surface cause if i do what would they say? what would they think? i told ya so i can hear it now. . . i knew it would happen . . . i said it wouldnt last . . . he's just gonna hurt you it's always the same . . it's always this terrible pain everytime i care . . everytime i get close . . . stabbing me rite thru my heart . . .

i'm feeling a little low, i'm off in a hour and i know where we can go . . .

hey guys . . . welp i havent wrote in a while so heres a blow by blow . . .
i had a 3day weekend first of all and thur's nite me tasha jeremy and dakota hung out and jeremy locked his keys in the car. Friday me alyse and jordan went to the mall with Holden, Brian, and Kelli. Then we went to Dakota's mom's house and i ended up staying the nite there after alyse and daniel got into it and and alyse ended up just leaving me there and going home and Daniel COULDNT be late . . so that ended up on a good note about two hours after that. Sat nite Megan and Derek picked me up from Dakotas and i went out with them till 12 that was fun i miss megan alot . . and i miss Derek too but just not the 2 of them together . . i miss hangnout with Megan . . o well times change people change rite? Well i'm just gonna hold to that theory. and sunday Daniel picked me up and i rode to his house had a <3 to <3 with his momma and then we went to B-Ville and got Amber FUN FUN hehe. Then i was SUPPOSE to go see Pirates of Pensance with Dakota but we didnt get back to E-Ville till 1:30 the show was @ 2 and All Dakota's friends were still there and he hadnt even cleaned up. so i gave him the ultimatum of sending all his friends home or going to the show late . . . he chose "spend quality time with amanda" since we NEVER do that. Well we did from about 4 till about 8 and it was awesome . . . we didnt really talk or anything and i don't mean to sound like a 6th grader but we madeout for the 1st time and i dont know we just kinda laid there together it was all "hallmark/ Kodak moment" something worth remembering . . i don't know why though with all of the other guys making out WASNT that big of a deal but everything seems big with me and him . . . i am so happy with him. the way he holds me. kisses me. even looks at me. it's so AWESOME. i havent been this happy in a long ass time . . . there is only one ONE thing he does that i don't like and thats he ALWAYS cept for 1 time now. puts his friends first. which you know is good to a extent. But i'm not seeing him all weekend ((well i might get to sunday)) but yeah and he wants to spend time with me this WEEK well today he can't cause Fro is coming over. and tomorrow is dad and dakota go to Hooters day. so i guess thurs? and where does that leave me? seeing him one fricking day this week. THATS GAY. kinda makes me wana cry. i just love being around that boy so much. Ugh, i'm pathetic. YOU GOTTA LOVE ME THO. welp talk to you later

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

i hoplessly helplessly wonder why . . .

have you ever talked to someone ALL the time and then out of nowhere they all of a sudden one day they just seem SO out of it . . .well thats how i feel today . . something is wrong with Dakota i think it was something i did or said or something i dont know . . i feel like i dont know much of anything here lately . . . ugh i dont feel like writing i can barely read the screen rite now . . maybe rite more whenever the tears stop falling so hard

Sunday, March 06, 2005

almost a month and i didnt even know . . . .

hey all, mann this weekend was soo ungodly crazy, first Friday i went to see Dakota and he managed to make me mad for the first time EVER but yeah basically he ignored me in ALOT of ways i mean not like acted like he didnt know i was there but he didnt talk to me hardly at all and shit like that. . then later on sat we went to Amber's boyfriends house ((stevens)) and everyone other than me alyse and this rad dude Justin got really messed up and we did the same thing last nite too but something was different about last nite well a couple things . . . FIRST daniel stayed with us . . and whenever we were on our way from my house back to stevens ((i was driving)) we get pulled over cause i didnt use my signal whenever i switched lanes . . . and i HURRIED and switched daniel seats ((i dont know how the cop dont know but o well)) and he gave everyone BUT me a breathalizer ((im the only one who didnt drink)) and then he bitched at us for a bit then he sent us on our way with just a ticket for the signal((with what alyse and daniel both blew they could have went to jail! ..me and brian were safe tho! :-) )) but anyway daniel STAYED at Stevens with us ((he was suppose to be home @ 12)) he told his mom he got arrested! i was like umm ok . . . . he MIGHT be kicked out which if so i REALLY worry about him . . . umm what else . . i was suppose to see Dakota today . . he didnt EVER call me last nite or today an whenever i called him he ended up letting me go UGH i kinda want to cry this weekend is SHIT. . .

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Let me go . . .

i always thought "at least well be friends forever" and i thought you were the best friend i could have . . always there whenever i needed you and i could talk to you about ANYTHING and everything that was going on in my life and you understood . . . now i stand here . . thinking DAMN where did this come from . . perhaps my newfound relaytionship was too soon for you or maybe it wasnt something you thought was going to happen . . i really love you and everyone knows how much i care but we CANT be together . . . we've discussed this . . too many problems . . . not from me or you but US whenever we are together . . and i guess all i can ask of you now is if you could PLEASE just let me go . . let me be . . here comes another one of my song lyrics things . . . you honestly do really love me but you dont know the amanda i am anymore. . . ((i changed the words a little, but that song says it all and speaks in so many volumes to me and it helps me get thru all this . . . i just hope one day we can get along)) . . i love you micah . . i always will i just found someone who i really CLICK with he knows the amanda that is in this body now . . . TRUST me this is the best thing for us . . .
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